Currently Listening X&Y By Coldplay see related

if we have certain ideals of what our "perfect" person should be like, will we be let down?  because there is not such thing as a perfect person, right?  what bout if we have these certain ideals... that we want in person, what if that person possess a "couple" of those ideals but not all... what does that mean, does that mean that they aren't right for us becuase they don't fit our perfect image of the "perfect" person.  these are things i've been thinking bout lately.  i look at my "perfect" person... to this day i am still wondering, still learning.   i guess i just want one day to know that thats the person i am suppose to be with...  and maybe i've met him, maybe i haven't. thats the beauty of love, you won't find it if you are looking. it'll just find you.

goodnightski.

love you long times.

-sp

um..... what happened to giving up boys?   can someone tell me.... fuck.

oh man. its just one of those days. 

so, when do you just realize something is just not worth it?   cuz i'd really like to know. i'm trying... i am trying real hard.  but i'm to the point where i'm so sick of trying.  its like, der.  i don't know.

i'm going to the concordia christmas concert with robbin.  probably just sit home alone tonight again... watch a movie or something... that would be fun. 

i'm done.

-sp

Currently Watching Forrest Gump see related

would it be wrong to go to bed right now?  cuz i think i might. alright, i'll just watch a movie.  

fuck timing... thats what i say.

goodnight.

i changed my movie mel.  aha! yeah... Forrest is a good movie, too.

Currently Watching Finding Neverland (Full Screen Edition) see related

So today's census is........ I suck at life and my timing is impecable....

I am not quite sure how to please people.... However, I am not here to please others, but I don't know... I wish I knew when to say something. I wish I knew when to keep my mouth shut. Therefore, I suck.

I guess part of me wants to know how to handle situations for instance:

Tonight at dinner I guess part of me wasn't there. I wanted to cry the whole time. I don't know why. I guess it sucks hearing things about the one person who you would do anything for, to change the way things are... talks about you. (I hope that made sense, I am too tired to try to make sense of it) I don't know... I guess if the person hates me enough right now.. then okay. I guess in a way it may sound like it is my fault because I am not trying... but I tried. I tried real hard. All I can say is... well, I am here... Let me know.  *shrugs* I wish I knew what to do. I wish I didn't make people angry with me. I wish I knew how to change it. I guess time. Time heals all wounds.........

As timing is concerned... I am at my end. I don't know. It is like there is this huge clock, and its like in order to get ahead you have to beat the clock. Lately, I keep missing it....  I wish I knew what to do. I just want someone to hug me. To tell me what comes of all of this. I just want to be close to someone... not even in a romantic way... I just... I don't know. I don't know what I want..... I do, but I suppose I am not opening myself to people... I don't want to be looked at in a fucked way... *shrugs* When does this go away?  When will I just learn......... Ugh.

Oh, I need a drink.

-SP